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skip to content coffee with charles nostalgia, conversation, and ingrained memories with you and me over a cup of coffee! menu home about contact twitter facebook google+ github wordpress.com loss as the days go slowly by, we find ourselves in situations that expend our energy beyond what we can give, yet we keep giving. we ask ourselves why and how much more is left, until someone we love hurts and needs us more than we need the energy it takes to sustain our own selfishness. you see, many days come and go without revelation, while others occur and bring with them joy insurmountable and others steal our joy and leave us wondering why these feelings are so extreme. in reference to loving our children, i am not only reminded lately of the beautiful little girl named timye that my wife and i lost many years ago to the resounding loss of a great nephew allowed to live for 77 days. he lived to be beautiful, with fingers that stretched across his mothers’ fingers. he had eyes that were wide awake with anticipation of what this place was and how recognizable the faces he saw were. this is a story of my own witness that encompasses the loss of many. i include you in the continual heartache, whether your little one was just born or had lived to give you much joy. the loss is real and often inconsolable. i am a true believer in grief, but the kind that lasts as long as it has to. for me, i know my grief for our little timye continues. i imagine her today as a gorgeous, 26-year-old successful young woman with raven black hair and blue eyes like her mom. she carries herself stately, with empathy that saves others from unnecessary diluted denial. she was here only a short while, but her impact left questions and applied a learned behavior in those of us that held her. that saw her beautiful face and put her night cap on. it was lovely, it was short, and the pain continues to find portals of entry that were thought to be healed and closed. for my niece, whom i love unconditionally and feel her abandoned support of self, even though there are those that love her and are there, we are meaningless when the loss is so great. they say time heals all wounds. this my friend is not true. what time does is allows us to finally accept the loss that has occurred. it has done nothing to lessen the magnitude of loss. yes, usually life goes on as usual all around us. sometimes we do not want to hear laughter, because we want others to share what we feel, to understand that it is real. grief is real, long and takes the energy of endurance to a level of mega exhaustion. i say this in tribute to my great nephew jase and my own little baby daughter timye because they deserve recognition. they served a purpose and were great teachers of the soul. don’t misunderstand me, many losses may not bring about the magnitude of eternal emptiness on this earth as others. it is what it is, and we can’t change that. what we can change is the way we look at loss, especially the loss of a child. jase and timye were supposed to be ours, they were supposed to grow and bring forth goodness abundantly. i know this because the seeds they planted in us have continued to grow and bring forth fruit of forgiveness, understanding and empathy towards those who do not understand, to those who think one can pull themselves up by their boot straps. my friend, sometimes that is impossible. i know this is sad, it is sad because it is sad. forgive your children often, kiss them and hug them when they least expect it and support them in what seems so insignificant to us if it is bringing them joy. often, we want to change places with innocence knowing this is impossible. often we are sad and depressed with situations and life, but to carry life forward, their lives, we must find a way to bring them forward in us to let the best of ourselves be given to others. advertisements share this: twitter google facebook print like this: like loading... author coffeewithcharles58 posted on august 23, 2018 august 23, 2018 categories uncategorized 1 comment on loss the reunion another year has come and gone all too quickly, culminating in a grand family reunion. i suppose becoming older has its newness of anticipation. looking forward to the remnants of what used to be and what we continually miss, realizing if we are lucky that life does not have to change after loss. being blessed with a large family of brothers and sisters had its harsh times. times like growing up poor on that old country farm, with a long dirt road that led us back to one another in later years, finding comfort in stories, images and touches that are only known to one another and knowing feelings that are only felt and understood by those i see. i am reminded today of moments that linger from my yesteryear’s. i see the familiar smiles among my siblings. i see new signs appearing of years gone by around their eyes, cheeks and the corners of their mouths, revealing characteristics of my mom and dad. with this, enabling them to be with us still. i hear the ever-familiar sounds of their voices that does not change. i see familiar reminders in the next generation who have acquired subtle, distinguishing changes from us, yet retain the closeness felt by a unified structure of supported systems that does not struggle for the altruistic culture we have been born in to. it is at this time that those hard times remembered make life so much easier today by gathering with those who know the presence of realness that kept us reality based as children. there has been a hardy weekend of togetherness, courted with those obnoxious sounds and jokes of brothers and sisters that i thought had been lost somewhere between then and now, easily found and remembered. on the last day of the reunion, we all gather for breakfast. i look around and see a royal legacy left behind by those before us. the day progresses, and it is time for our reunion auction, a much-looked forward time for all. all that is brought is sold. there is nothing taken back or left over. everyone attending either makes or finds something worthy of putting into the auction for sale to help with expenses for next year. my prize to find this year will be a treasure for me for the rest of my life. my youngest sister has had the skeleton of my mother’s singer sewing machine for years. her husband took the old dirt road up to the farm house, yes, the one you see above and extracted several old ship-lap boards from between the rooms. my sister left the bones of the old sewing machine as it was, and my brother-n-law took the old, dry, boards and cut them into what would be a table top. the varnish used brought the boards back to life and as i see this table sitting in the corner of my living room i can hear it’s whispers of those days that were not lost, just hidden, echoing childhood once again and giving up its history, knowing each of us has touched the past. to some this old table will mean nothing, but for me, it encapsulates a time that was distant, removed from me only because time allows forgetting. as i glide my hand across the glossy surface, visions appear of many of those who entered my life when they entered our home. memories of fleeting faces that have turned from decades ago to eras of my own life. copyright @coffeewithcharles.blog (charles d. grant) share this: twitter google facebook print like this: like loading... author coffeewithcharles58 posted on july 24, 2018 july 24, 2018 categories nostalgia and memories , reunion 1 comment on the reunion fingerprints my oldest sister lives in my mother’s cozy, little home. since mom’s been gone the house continues to absorb memory after memory, constantly purging them forth year after year as we ready another year for our family reunion without her. my dad and my mother produced nine children, three girls and six boys. there are eight of us still living. each of us begin a project for the reunion and auction it off to the highest bidder. the money made f

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https://coffeewithcharles.blog/2018/07/24/the-reunion/?share=google-plus-1
https://coffeewithcharles.blog/#content
https://coffeewithcharles.blog/2018/06/29/fingerprints/
https://coffeewithcharles.blog/2018/05/01/letting-go/
https://coffeewithcharles.blog/category/nostalgia-and-memories/
https://coffeewithcharles.blog/2018/05/12/reunions-of-the-past/
https://coffeewithcharles.blog/2018/08/23/loss/
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https://coffeewithcharles.blog/2018/08/23/loss/#comments
https://coffeewithcharles.blog/tag/nostalgia/
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https://coffeewithcharles.blog/2018/06/01/moments-in-time-2/#comments

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